


Letting Go

by MiriyanThesilverWolf



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Dragon Sickness, F/M, King Thorin, Thorin Feels, Thorin Is an Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-03 01:11:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13330326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriyanThesilverWolf/pseuds/MiriyanThesilverWolf
Summary: Thorin is tormented by the memories when he was suffering from dragon sickness and because of it drove the love of his life away from him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a requested on Tumblr:   
>  Five word prompts: For Thorin: “time passes slower without you.” “so… what are we now?” “nothing matters anymore to me.” and “letting go hurts…a lot” But since it was too good to pass, I turned it into a fic. :) Enjoy!

Sun was setting behind the Lonely Mountain casting its shadow over Dale reminding its people to start getting ready for nightfall. Everything was peaceful after the dwarves had reclaimed Erebor and slowly Dale was also back its feet and people started to move to live in it. But not everyone was rejoicing this new era.

Thorin wiped his beard with his hand closing his eyes for a moment. Memories were flowing into his mind as he stood up from his chair in his study and walked to stand in front of a window gazing out not really seeing anything. He was hoping to be done with these cursed memories, they did nothing but give him a heartache and he couldn´t do anything to heal it. She was gone, for good and Thorin could blame only for himself to drove the love of his life away from him.

 

***

 

 _”Thorin!”_ Harnel shouted shocked to see that the man she loved would want to kill one of his friends. Bilbo stared in horror evident on his face when Thorin tried to toss him over the edge. For some miracle, Harnel was able to distract him long enough to give Bilbo the opportunity to get away to safety. Everyone was stunned to see the change in Thorin, although they knew Thorin was suffering from dragon sickness it still didn´t justify him to kill anyone just because he felt betrayed.

Thorin walked back to his throne room mumbling to himself when he heard someone approaching him. Turning around he saw Harnel walking toward him and for a minute his expression softened and he let himself to admire that warrior woman´s figure. Although she was small for a human and quite slender, she knew how to use a sword which was securely attached to her waist, bow, and arrows on her back. Her dark red and black hooded cloak with black trousers, shirt, and hunting boots gave her a dangerous appearance making Thorin almost shiver with pleasure. Her hair was very long and dark, his courting braid visible behind her ear, the beads softly hitting on the clip that held the cloak on her.

But then like someone had snapped their fingers he shook his head and that cold, emotionless expression turned back to his face and he straightened his back looking her straight in the eyes.

 _”What do you want?”_ he asked with deep growl looking her up and down almost mocking her. Harnel stopped in front of him standing tall looking into Thorin´s icy blue eyes which lack all emotions that she had once seen in him. Hardening her heart she confronted the dwarf king with all the dignity she had left memories still fresh in her head, as Thorin had two days ago called her a gold digger, a common whore who wanted to warm his bed for exchange all the riches he now had.

 _”Do you not see what you have become Thorin? You tried to kill one of your friends who was just trying to avoid a war you so eagerly are apparently seeking,”_ she said quietly looking for any sign that would tell her she was getting through to him but she saw nothing.

 _”Silence!”_ Thorin shouted tossing his arm in front of her almost hitting her on the head.

 _”You don´t talk to your king like that. Maybe I should teach you a lesson how to address royalty,”_ Thorin said with deep voice taking a step forward looking her under his brows smirking dangerously his blue eyes filled with fire and she didn´t like the look he was giving her.

 _”Doesn´t a friendship between you and the company means anything to you? Doesn´t those people out there mean anything to you?”_ she asked slightly trembling taking a step backward as Thorin took one forward.

 _”Why should it? **Nothing matters anymore to me** that has no true value to me. I´m astonished you haven´t realized that yet.”_ Thorin laughed at her face and she could feel hot tears threatening to surface to her eyes.

 ** _”So…what are we now?”_** Harnel heard herself asking quietly before she could stop herself not able to look at him anymore. But she needed to know had this version of Thorin any feelings for her.

Thorin cocked his head to the side raising his eyebrow like he wasn´t sure he had heard the question.

 _”We?…There´s no we, girl. Never was, never will. If I´m going to choose a queen to rule by my side do you really think I would choose a common human girl to be my queen?”_ Thorin said arrogantly the disgusted look in his eyes as he gazed her like he was trying to shoot her down with his icy glare. That was like someone had pierced her heart with a dagger.

Without saying anything she ribbed his courting beads from her hair and tossed them to the ground and turned around running out blinded by the tears.

 

***

 

Thorin sighed as he shook his head to get rid of those memories. The things he had said to her, how he could have allowed himself to be so blinded by the sickness that he had mentally and almost physically hurt his One, force her to rip the beads out of her hair and tossed them in front of him and run away, never to look back.

 _ **”Time passes slower without you** amrâlimê…I miss you so much,”_ Thorin whispered looking out the window when there was suddenly a soft knock on the oak door.

 _”Enter,”_ Thorin said with the clear commanding voice of his turning to see who it was that dared to disturb him but let his eyes soften when he saw Balin to walk into the study with few scrolls in his hands. The white-haired dwarf didn´t say anything, he could see that Thorin was once again tormented by his memories. Balin put the scrolls on Thorin´s desk and walked to stand beside his king looking out the window.

 _”Give her time Thorin, she will return to you, when she´s ready. There´s a very strong bond between you two. Trust in that, and let her go for now,”_ Balin said quietly looking Thorin from the corner of his eye. Thorin sighed heavily hanging his head for a moment before looking back up tears starting to form in his eyes.

 ** _” Letting go hurts… a lot.”_** Thorin said sounding like a little dwarfling who´s been scolded by his parents for doing something he wasn’t supposed to do.

 _”I know Thorin…I know. But sometimes you have to let go in order to regain what you have lost.”_ Balin consoled him patting him on the shoulder and turned to leave Thorin alone. By the doorway, Balin turned his head and looked at Thorin who was gazing the landscape silently.

 _”Of course, you don´t have to believe an old dwarf like me. Instead, trust in the power of love you two shared. It has its ways to surprise you when you least expect it.”_ and after saying that, Balin stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

Thorin turned his head slightly and glanced at the closed door humming quietly. _”I sure hope it will,”_ he said to himself and turned his gaze back to the window. He really hoped that someday Harnel would return to him.


	2. Harnel´s heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harnel tries to pick up the pieces of her heart and move on but it isn´t easy.

Harnel stared at the men in front of her sword in hand breathing heavily. As if this was something she needed right now with the top of everything else. When she had left Erebor broken hearted faintly hearing Bilbo and Gandalf yelling behind her to come back, she didn´t listen. Why would she want to go back when clearly she wasn´t wanted there anymore? Why would she torment herself by being around with someone who thought of her nothing more than a common whore, bed warmer in order to get her hands in the treasury? No, she was done with dwarves of Erebor. Nothing could convince her to go back, not even if her life depended upon it, she would rather die than go back to him.

With an angered cry she charged forward swinging her sword with deadly accuracy hitting the man in front of her in the stomach. If they wanted a fight, a fight they were gonna get, she thought as she attacked the person standing there ready to block her attempted attack. But she was more than experienced in battlefields and before the man could react she had jumped to the side and swing her sword again hitting him to his neck, almost severing his head.

Harnel stood in the middle of the road looking down at the bodies not really feeling anything, it was like she was numb to any emotions. Sniffing her nose like she was annoyed that her travel had to come to a halt because of these two thugs she crouched down and wiped her weapon into the closest man´s coat before shielding the unique looking sword into its scabbard. It wasn´t anything people would normally see with a human warrior, it was shorter than a normal sword, more slender, the blade itself was actually white, runes embedded in it, handle of the sword was very beautiful, made of hardwood, at the end of it was embossing made of shining metal. And the scabbard matched with the sword´s beauty. It was costume made one of the kind sword that Harnel knew how to use well.

After weeks of traveling by foot, she finally saw a small village where she hopefully would get a roof on top of her head and maybe find a temporary work so she could feed herself, she hadn’t much of money on her so she really needed a job. Since these parts of the Middle-Earth there wasn´t much use for a warrior, she needed to swallow her pride for a moment and accept whatever was offered to her. But she didn´t mind, any distraction was welcomed at this point.

People of this village clearly didn´t trust strangers, let alone a stranger with such weapons on them, weird looking sword, bow, and arrows, she needed to work on her people skills although she didn´t feel like interact with others, all she wanted was to curl up in a warm bed after eating and forget what had happened in this past month. Sure, Harnel was known to be ruthless what came to fighting, she knew how to throw a punch and defend herself but in the end, she was still a woman and she felt the heartache like everybody else, the difference was she didn´t let anyone see it.

As she walked down the main road of this little village she could feel the residents almost judgemental gazes on her as she walked in front of the tavern and after a moment of thought she stepped inside and looked around trying to find the owner of the tavern. Male customers started glancing her way, some of them whistling to her, others checked her out looking her body up and down without even bothering to hide their lustful gazes. But she didn´t show any sign that she cared, chin held high, grabbing the handle of her sword she walked toward the counter and looked at the elderly lady who was working there nodding her head politely.

 _”I was hoping to find an empty room here?”_ Harnel said lowly so nobody else heard what she wanted. The elderly woman looked at her without saying anything at first but then smiled motioning Harnel to lean over so she could whisper in her ear whatever she had to say.

 _”There is an empty room but how you´re going to pay for it, honey?”_ the woman asked quietly and for a moment Harnel was sure she was going to suggest something that she would not agree to.

 _”I´m willing to work for my room and meals, but that doesn´t mean I´m going to offer myself to these customers,”_ Harnel growled making it clear how far she was willing to bend. Hearing that the elderly woman chuckled and patted her hand.

 _”Oh don´t worry dear, I´m not running a brothel. I could use some help down the kitchen if you know how to cook?”_ the woman said smiling warmly making Harnel relax a little. Thanks to Bombur, she knew how to cook and now even if she didn´t mean to, sent a silent gratitude to the ginger-haired dwarf that he had the patience to teach her while they were on the road.

 _”Yes, I know how to cook,”_ Harnel said with a nod and was happy to notice the effect her sentence had on the old lady.

 _”I´m glad to hear that. You have no idea how hard it is to woman my age to manage everything by yourself these days. My name is Maura,”_ the woman introduced herself extending her hand and Harnel shook it smiling slightly.

 _”Harnel,”_ was all she said, she wasn´t much for the small talk especially now that she was hungry and tired.

Maura ushered Harnel to follow her upstairs and walked down the hallway until she stopped at the last door and opened it stepping in. Harnel looked around at the doorway and was pleased with what she was seeing although she was little worried about the price. As if Maura had read her thoughts she turned to look at her in the eyes.

 _”I admit it, it´s little large for a one person but this is the only room available at the moment. If you´re not afraid of hard work, little further down the road there is a stable that is looking for help with the horses. Work in the kitchen at evening to midnight and at the stables on mornings, if they´ll have you and that way you can pay for your room and two meals a day. What do you say, sweetheart?”_ Maura explained and Harnel had to agree, she didn´t have a choice but to take two jobs in order to have a place to sleep and eat.

 

***

 

Working with the angry, stubborn stallions on mornings and sweating in the kitchen on evenings all the way to midnight was exhausting even for her. Any other person would have dropped at the moment their head hit the pillow and sleep the whole night like a dead person, but not Harnel. Nights didn´t bring her the peace she so desperately wanted, her tired mind worked against her by throwing nightmares after nightmares about Thorin and how he had laughed at her calling her a whore when she tried to prove that she loved him for who he was, not because he had all the gold of Erebor at the palm of his hand. And every time she woked from her dreams screaming Thorin´s name cold sweat running down at her back, she was shaking like a leaf looking frantically around trying to find Thorin so she could feel safe again but after a moment of confusion, she realized where she was and utter sadness filled her mind. She had lost a lot of weight, because of the heavy work but also because she had lost her appetite, it was a miracle she hadn´t pass out yet, dark circles under her eyes were a telltale sign that she didn´t get enough sleep.

Breathing heavily she stood up from the bed and walked to sit by the window staring outside at the pouring rain that was hitting the glass at the same pace her heart was pounding in her chest. Leaning back Harnel broke down crying her heart out convinced she would never see Thorin again, never would hear his velvety, deep baritone voice telling her how much he loved her, never would she feel the touch of his lips on her skin, his fingers caressing her body at night. Never again would she gaze at those deep, blue eyes that had the power to capture her very soul to their hold never to let go.

Her throat felt like someone was choking her, the pain in her chest tightening as Harnel squeezed her eyes shut tears running down her cheeks, she was yelling her agony into the air and hit the glass with her fist.

 _”Damn you Thorin! Why?….why did you have to give in to it…?! Why…?”_ she cried her voice breaking knowing nobody would answer her desperate shoutings no matter how hard she wished they would.

Bending over she grabbed her hair in her hands and rocking back and forward continued to cry because that was the only thing she could do right now although it didn´t make the pain go away. It helped for a moment as the numbness came afterward but the pain always came back twice as hard.


	3. Thorin´s struggling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin´s mood is getting worse every day and his drinking habit is causing Balin to finally open his mouth.

Thorin was sitting at the end of the long table listening to the endless arguing about trades between Mirkwood and Erebor. The vein on his temple started to show as he was getting angrier by the minute and he fisted his hands slamming them suddenly on the table taking everyone by the surprise.

 _”Enough!”_ Thorin shouted looking at the baffled lords with such a glare that would have carved a hole even to an iceberg.

 _”I have had enough with your complaints. Instead of arguing about it I want you to fix it!”_ Thorin growled looking utterly fed up with this meeting.

 _”What do you suggest your majesty?”_ one of them dared to ask and Thorin turns his attention toward the lord that had opened his mouth.

 _”Congratulations Lord Daloken Frostheart, you just volunteered to travel to Mirkwood and start the negotiations with Thranduil. ”_ Thorin answered lowly with a tone of voice not even Balin had heard Thorin never used before. Lately, Thorin´s temper had worsened and everyone was practically walking on eggshells not knowing what would tricker his next outburst, meetings were agonizing as Thorin was snapping at his advisors and no one was allowed to question his authority.

Dwalin had once made the mistake opening his mouth and ask what was going on with Thorin. That ended with shouting, threats and finally, the guards had found Dwalin and Thorin on the ground wrestling and growling, throwing punches. After that episode, Dwalin kept his distance making sure he wasn´t saying anything out of line.

Thorin rubbed his eyes with his hand and stood up dismissing everyone from the room sighing heavily. He was feeling so tired and couldn´t wait to get back to his chambers and be alone. He rarely was in the mood to associate with his people these days but he did it anyway, kingdom didn´t run it by itself so he pushed himself to do what was expected of him but he was getting angrier the longer he was forced to stay in meetings, he was snappy and less patient. He walked out from the room and headed toward the royal wing. A deep frown was on his face as he walked past citizens of Erebor who greeted him but he ignored them speeding his pace.

 _”Your majesty!”_ bright and clear voice came from behind him and with a frustrated groan escaping from Thorin´s lips he turned around and saw a young dwarrowdam walking toward him a bright smile on her face.

 _”Not again,”_ he thought to himself as he straightened himself chin held high folding his arms behind his back waiting for the woman to say what he already knew what she was going to say. As the woman stopped to stand in front of him, she gave him a curtsey and with her big brown fawn eyes gazed into his eyes making Thorin´s skin crawl.

 _”What is it, Foweda?”_ Thorin asked with a deep tone of voice staring at the woman´s face with an icy glare. He wasn´t in the mood for her fawning, he really wasn´t in the mood for anything if he was being honest.

 _”I was hoping if you would dine with me and my family tonight, your majesty,”_ Foweda chirped twirling a blond tress around her fingers looking hopeful.

 _”No,”_ Thorin icy voice sliced through the air making Foweda speechless for a moment before she regains her posture.

 _”Why not?”_ she practically whined looking like a spoiled little rich girl, she was seriously testing Thorin´s lack patience even further with her next sentence.

_”You never do anything with me. Am I that ugly or is it because your previous lover ran out all those months ago?”_

Thorin´s head jerk to the side as he looks at her narrowing his eyes, a quiet growl resurfacing from the depts of his chest.

 _”You do not speak to me like you know me or anything about my past. Talk to me again so familiarly and I will throw you to the dungeon. This is the only warning you´ll going to get. Am I making myself clear?”_ Thorin snapped at her looking into her eyes his glare so intense and outraged Foweda was scared for her life at that moment. Never she would have believed that Thorin, her king would speak to her like that.

 _”Am I making myself clear??”_ Thorin´s voice boomed echoing through the corridors scaring the wits out of her and she nodded her head tears starting to form in her eyes.

Without saying anything more Thorin turned around and walked away from her his eyes flaring with anger gritting his teeth. Reaching his chambers he stormed inside slamming the door shut behind him and went straight to the small table where he kept his ewer of ale and goblet. Pouring himself a drink he emptied the goblet with single go and poured another one walking toward the fireplace he sat in the armchair and letting out a deep sigh. Finally, he was alone, quietness surrounding him and he embraced it by closing his eyes letting his mind to go blank. Cracking sound from the timber being consumed by the fire was only sound that time to time snapped him back to the present.

Knock on his door made him frown and looking down at his goblet he realized it was empty. While walking back to the ewer to pour himself yet another drink he decided to ignore whoever was on the other side his chamber door. Grabbing the ewer he went back to his chair and with an emotionless expression on his face, he just stared at the fire lost in his thoughts until tenacious knocking on the door made him lose his cool totally. Throwing the goblet to the fireplace he stood up and walked to the door yanking it open almost breaking the door´s joint hinges.

 _”What??”_ he yelled before realizing it was Balin who stood in front of him looking at him concerned look on his face. Knowing that Balin would not listen to anything what he was tempted to say at that moment he turned around and went back to his living area and picked the goblet from the floor while Balin stepped in and closed the door behind him.

 _”What is it, Balin? I´m done with meetings for today,”_ Thorin said quietly sitting down placing the goblet on the little table beside his chair.

 _”I´m worried about you Thorin. Your temper is getting worse, you are snapping people who have done nothing wrong and your drinking habit is getting out of hands,_ ” Balin said sitting down next to him crossing his hands on his lap and looking Thorin from the corner of his eyes. He knew Thorin was struggling when no one saw him, he wasn’t getting enough sleep, dark circles under his eyes was proof enough to him and his appetite wasn´t quite the same anymore.

 _”My drinking habit?”_ Thorin said lowly glancing Balin who was smiling that sad smile Thorin knew all too well.

 _”Yes, it´s like you don´t do anything else once you get back to your chambers. Don´t deny it, I may be old but I´m not stupid,”_ Balin answered turning his gaze toward the fireplace taking out his pipe and lighting it up he waited. Thorin would open up to him if he was patient enough.

 _”What else there is to do Balin? I´m sick and tired being around people who annoy me to no end every day,”_ Thorin huffed irritated closing his eyes. He just wanted to be left alone, he just wanted to forget.

 _”We miss her too, Thorin. Kili and Fili gave me an idea and I´m about to tell you what it is. What you´re going to do with it, it is up to you.”_ Balin said puffing a cloud of smoke from his pipe noticing that he had gain Thorin´s interest.

 

***

 

Balin walked toward his own chambers late at night satisfied smile on his face. What he had told Thorin a moment ago was hopefully something that would help his king to sleep tonight and get his mood swings in check. He saw how Thorin kept his outer appearance as no one would know what was going on inside his head, inside he was suffering and Balin felt powerless that he could not help his king in any way until Thorin´s nephews had said something rather interesting to him. At that moment he knew there was something he could do. Now it was up to Thorin.

 _”Good night Thorin,”_ Balin whispered and stepped into his chambers closing the door.


	4. Let me apologize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin goes to find Harnel so he can apologize what he had said while suffering from the dragon sickness. Of course, not everything goes as according to plan...

Lords were sitting on the table nervously glancing their king who was sitting at the end of it reading one of the scrolls Balin had handed him to sign. Nodding Thorin took the quill and signed it giving it back to Balin.

 _”Everything seems to be in order. While I´m gone Fili will take on these meetings with help of Balin. Anything else?”_ Thorin said looking at the lords who shook their heads. Balin gathered remaining scrolls motioning everyone to leave, the meeting was over. Murmuring with confusion written all over their faces the lords left the room leaving Balin and Dwalin with Thorin.

 _”Are you sure about this? I mean you don´t want any guards with you? That´s risky Thorin,”_ Dwalin said gruffly leaning on his ax his steady gaze never leaving Thorin´s eyes. Thorin shook his head smiling slightly.

 _”I´m sure. Besides, I´m not planning to be on this trip very long. If something goes wrong, you know what to do,”_ Thorin answered lowly and Dwalin nodded on that.

After saying that Thorin stood up and walked out to get himself ready when Kili and Fili bumped into him when turned the corner. Kili stumbled backward and fell to the ground almost taking his brother with him. Thorin looked down seeing Kili rubbing his backside winching before Fili helped him up and turned then his attention toward his uncle who was watching the scene in front of him amused expression on his face.

 _”What are you two doing here? I thought you were supposed to be with Ori in the library,”_ Thorin said gazing down his nephews waiting for an explanation why these two boys weren´t there where they were supposed to be.

 _”Yes, well…we thought we should accompany you on your little trip,”_ Kili said enthusiastically making Thorin raise his eyebrow before he shook his head.

 _”No, Kili. You and your brother have quite enough duties here while I´m gone,”_ Thorin´s baritone voice echoed through the halls and he could see the disappointment on Kili´s face. Kili was about to argue when Thorin lifted his hand to silence his younger nephew.

 _”End of discussion. Although I´m grateful to you that you decided to track Harnel´s whereabouts on your own, still, you ´re not coming with me. I need to do this alone.”_ Thorin explained hoping that Kili would understand his reasoning. Kili hanged his head for a moment before lifted his gaze to his uncle´s eyes and nodded.

 _”Just make sure you bring her home,”_ Kili said and motioned Fili to follow him. Thorin watched for a minute as the two brothers made their way back to the library. Sighing he started walking toward his chambers and failed to notice that someone had been listening to their conversation with blazing gaze fixed on Thorin.

 

***

 

Thorin stopped his pony and kept eyeing the little village little further ahead. Was she really there? Suddenly he felt very nervous, although he had a whole speech ready for him to tell her, there was no guarantee that she would listen. But that was the risk he was willing to take. He jumped down from his mount and tight her up aside from the road away from prying eyes and started walking toward the village. He kept his hood of his cloak on him so people would not recognize him, he was wearing the same clothes he had on him when he was on the quest to reclaim Erebor, only this time he had to reclaim a woman, not just any woman, his warrior woman and that wasn´t going to as easy as reclaiming his home.

Coming to a stop in front of the stables where the owner of the tavern had told him he would find Harnel he listened. He could hear the cursing and neighing of the horse and Thorin couldn´t stop his smirk to form on his face when he recognizes the female voice. Walking in he slowly approached the box stall where the noises were coming from. Little by little he could see Harnel´s fighting with a horse and Thorin stopped in his tracks, he would not believe what he was seeing.

A small woman was grabbing the bridle that was on the horse´s head trying to keep the animal from moving away from her. The horse was huge, black stallion, with quite the fiery attitude but Harnel wasn’t scared of him. Determined yank with her hand and low growl she managed to get the animal to listen to her.

 _”Knock it off! That saddle is going to be on your back, like it or not,”_ she snapped and to Thorin´s surprise the horse calmed down blowing air from its nostrils shaking it big head clearly not happy about the situation.

 _”As fiery as I remembered you would be,”_ Thorin´s deep quiet voice made Harnel freeze in the middle of lifting the saddle on the horse´s back. Slowly turning around she came face to face with the king under the mountain and for a moment time seemed to stop around them. Harnel let her gaze wander up and down Thorin´s robust figure feeling that familiar warm sensation inside her but then she snapped from her daydream and anger took hold of her.

 _”What are you doing here?”_ she asked coldly and Thorin visibly winches at the tone but doesn´t move. Instead, he is looking Harnel´s appearance and notices that she´s lost a lot a weight, clearly, she hasn´t been able to sleep properly either and Thorin is getting worried. He also notices that her dark, once thick and shiny hair is now dull and thinner, her eyes that once had that twinkle in them is now gone. Thorin is tempted to ask what happened but bites his tongue at the last second, it´s no doubt his fault that she is in that condition right now. More the reason to convince her to come back with him.

 _”I was hoping we could talk,”_ was all Thorin said lowly lowering his gaze from her figure to the ground. Harnel snorted when she heard that looking at him mockingly crossing her arms.

 _”Talk? I think you said quite enough the last time I saw you. I´m not interested in hearing what you have to say, Thorin Oakenshield,”_ Harnel says narrowing her eyes making it clear she´s not interested.

 _”Please, let me at least apologize what I said back then,”_ Thorin says quietly lifting his gaze back up hoping she would listen. Harnel cocks her head to the side thinking, maybe he is sincere about this, why else he would travel all the way here to see her? Sighing she waves her hand motioning Thorin to go sit on the hay bale, a little break from the fight with the horse was welcomed but she would not say it out loud. Sitting on the hay bale there is a moment of silence but then Thorin breaks it.

 _”I´m sorry for everything that I said and what you have been going through after that. I have been feeling terrible after I defeated the sickness and I remembered all the things I said. I just hope one day you are able to forgive me,”_ he said quietly staring at his hands that rested on his lap. Harnel was silent keeping her gaze either on the floor or let it wander on the ceiling or the other box stalls swallowing trying hard not to start crying. She wasn’t supposed to be one of those weeping little girls, she was a warrior hardened by life god damn it! Sighing she wiped her face with her hand trying to keep her voice from cracking.

 _”Look, I know the things you said was fueled by the sickness. I want to be so, so mad at you. I tried to be angry with you but….I can´t….no matter how hard I try. I love you too damn much,”_ Harnel spoke keeping her gaze fixed on the floor and was startled by Thorin taking hold of her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze and when she turned her head a little she could see Thorin smiling shyly at her. Harnel was about to lean forward and kiss him when suddenly someone opened the stable doors and feminine high voice of a female came from the doorway.

_”There you are amrâlimê! I have been looking for you everywhere!”_

Harnel´s head jerk to the direction where the voice was coming from and she saw a very beautiful, blond dwarrowdam standing there looking at them smiling like she had won a price. Harnel turned her attention back to Thorin who was utterly shocked seeing a dwarrowdam, who he knew very well, standing in the doorway and then he felt Harnel pulling her hand from his grasp, her icy glare piercing his heart like a sword.


	5. It has always been you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harnel founds herself face to face with Foweda. Will Thorin be able to sort this mess that Foweda has created?

Harnel kept staring at Thorin who was utterly shocked to see Foweda standing in the doorway. For a moment he didn´t know what to say or what to do but the minute he felt Harnel pulling her hand from his grasp he snapped back from his daze and shifted his gaze to her face.

 _”Harnel, please don´t go, let me explain,”_ he whispered pleading look in his eyes but Harnel wasn´t sure if she wanted to hear anything else anymore.

 _”And why wouldn´t I? Your lover is here now, so there´s no point me being here too. Have a nice life Thorin and keep me out of it,”_ Harnel said with cold tone in her voice while she stood up and with an icy glare she stormed out from the stables leaving Thorin sitting on the hay bale while Foweda giggled prancing over to Thorin swaying her hips far too obviously making Thorin feel betrayed and angry.

 _”What do you say, my love, if we headed back to Erebor where we belong. She obviously doesn´t love you, not the way I do,”_ Foweda purred sitting beside Thorin thinking that she had won. But when Thorin turned his blazing sapphire blue eyes to her face, she froze. She had never seen Thorin so infuriated as he was now while he stood up towering her making her feel nervous and vulnerable.

 _”What….in the name of Durin…you think you´re doing?”_ Thorin growled with deep quiet voice trying his very best not to strike her down. Foweda felt her resolve little by little breaking as Thorin pinned her to the spot where she was sitting with his intense gaze.

 _”Thorin, love, she doesn’t love you. Why can´t you see that?”_ she tried to reason with him but Thorin narrowed his eyes lifting his hand and before Foweda could react he punched his fist next to her head. He was angry, so damn angry but still, he could never hit a woman but oh, how tempted he felt right now.

 _”Get the hell out of my sight, I´ll deal with you once we get back to Erebor, that I can see clearly,”_ Thorin whispered his voice dripping with menace. Foweda´s eyes went wide and she tried to argue about it by opening her mouth but Thorin´s warning glare shut her up pretty quickly. Shaking like a leaf she stood up, gave him a curtsey and turned around walking out from the stable. Thorin took a deep breath covering his face with his hands flobbing back to the hay bale. Trying to calm down he leaned back against the box stall´s sliding door looking up thinking how he could fix this situation. There was no way he was going to go back home without Harnel.

Foweda walked fuming out of the stables determined to get Thorin to herself, she wasn´t going be losing to a mere human girl. She was the only daughter of Snarnouc Bonedelver and Arfelin Wraithfoot, she was destined for greatness and glory and no one, not even a puny human was going to take that away from her. Lifting her skirt she briskly made her way toward the tavern where Harnel most likely already was. Stepping inside the tavern Foweda asked where Harnel´s room was, she had important announce to make to her. Maura told her where she could find Harnel and bowing her head slightly Foweda walked to the third floor and stopped in front of Harnel´s door. Knocking twice Foweda waited for a moment and when Harnel opened the door, she conjured a friendly smile on her face so Harnel would not slam the door shut front of her face. Harnel stared at the dwarrowdam in front of her with disbelief expression on her face looking up and down on her figure. Dwarrow was wearing a purple gown with black ornament, ivory pearls sewed on the upper part, her light golden hair was braided very complex style and her facial hair was also braided and some sort of jewelry was embedded into the braidings making her look like a royalty. Although dwarrow´s brown eyes looked at her kindly, Harnel wasn´t going to be fooled that easily.

 _”I was hoping we could talk,”_ Foweda said with silky voice purring like a cat who just had a bowl of cream. Without answering Harnel stepped aside letting the dwarrowdam enter her room. As Foweda walked in Harnel glanced at her from the corner of her eye and closed the door. She had a bad feeling about this and soon enough Foweda confirmed that her gut feeling was right.

 _”There´s no nice way of saying this so I´m just going to say it. I need you to let Thorin go for good.”_ Foweda said turning to face Harnel who was more than just little stunned by Foweda´s arrogance.

 _”I beg your pardon?”_ Harnel breathed out blinking a couple of times. Foweda smiled at her expression wickedly and took slow steps toward her.

 _”Think about it. You´re not royalty, you are not from noble family. You are just a simple human girl who knows how to swing a sword. Where Thorin is the King_ Under _the Mountain, he rules Erebor, he needs a strong dwarrowdam to stand by his side, who knows how to act like a royalty, knows the etiquette.”_ Foweda explained walking around the room looking at Harnel with side glance feeling satisfied when she saw hesitation on her face.

 _”I am trying to help you, my dear. How do you think Thorin will feel when his kin sees a human as their queen and doesn´t approve? Let´s face it, you are better off without the pressure of being a queen nobody wants and you have opportunity here to spare Thorin from such a humiliation of being associated with you who is, I hate to say this but, lesser than a dwarf,”_ Foweda finished and the last words that came out of her mouth were like hit in the gut for Harnel. She tried hard not to start crying in front of this arrogant, self-centered dwarrow. Lifting her gaze Harnel faced Foweda´s smug smile and took a deep breath.

 _”And you are far more suited to that task, I reckon?”_ Harnel spat looking angry. She was getting enough of this dwarrow, all she wanted right now was to smash her head to the wall but fought the urge to do that just yet.

 _”Oh, sweet thing, I AM more suited for that task. Thorin has asked me to be his queen. I have been educated how to be a royalty all my life and you…you have been taught to be a warrior all your life. Not exactly what Thorin needs his side, don´t you agree?”_ Foweda purred turning to look out the window and saw Thorin walking toward the tavern. Frowning she decided it was time to give the final blow to this warrior girl so she and Thorin could finally leave this godforsaken village for good.

 _”I make this very simple. Back off for Thorin´s sake, King of Erebor needs a dwarrow as a queen, not a human to ruin his royal and pure bloodline. He is going to marry me.”_ dwarrow growled looking Harnel under her brows and with that walked out the room leaving Harnel confused, angered, utterly defeated staring the wall in front of her, fisting her hands fighting hard not to yell her agony out loud.

Thorin was talking with Maura when Foweda slipped out of the tavern making sure Thorin would not see her. She was confident that after her little speech, Harnel would kick Thorin out from her life quicker than Thorin could say an elf. Thanking Maura Thorin made his way to Harnel´s room and knock on the door. It took a while before she came open the door and when she saw Thorin on the other side of it she tried to slam it shut in his face but Thorin was faster. Placing his foot between the doorframe and the door itself preventing Harnel to shut the door he looked at her and what he saw in her eyes alarmed him greatly. He had his suspicions that Foweda could have something to do with her current state. Without saying anything he pushed himself into the room and closed the door when Harnel back away from him looking like she wanted to murder him.

 _”How much you´re going hurt me before you´re satisfied??”_ Harnel screamed and threw a goblet that was on the nightstand toward Thorin who dodge it easily enough and took slow steps toward her.

 _”Harnel…”_ Thorin whispered quietly trying to calm her down.

 _”No! I´m done listening to you!”_ Harnel yelled grabbing the plate and threw that next in Thorin´s direction but Thorin was able to dodge that too.

 _”Honey, I need you to listen to me…”_ Thorin said lowly his blue eyes fixed on her eyes piercing her soul with his intense gaze and Harnel felt like she was drowning.

 _”Don´t… don´t you dare call me that,”_ Harnel warned him pointing a finger at him taking a step back tears threatening to surface again to her eyes staring Thorin with a gaze so hurtful it made Thorin swallow hard and wonder what Foweda had told her.

 _”What did Foweda told you that cause you to act like this?”_ Thorin asked stopping in his tracks afraid to hear the answer. For a moment Harnel just focused on breathing, her throat was getting tighter again as she fought the tears down trying to harden her heart but failing miserably.

 _”Just leave me alone Thorin…Go and be happy with your bride-to-be,”_ Harnel said quietly feeling suddenly extremely tired and lowering her eyes she flopped on the bed covering her face with her hands. Thorin kept staring at her not believing what he just heard. Bride-to-be? She didn´t…she wouldn´t dare…

 _”I´m not… Harnel, listen to me,”_ Thorin said feeling desperate now sitting down next to her trying to get through to her. Reluctantly Harnel lifted her gaze turning her head to look at him not really in the mood but Thorin seemed adamant about it so she didn´t have a choice.

 _”I´m not with Foweda, never had been and never will be. I have not asked her permission to court her. I´m not going to marry her. I don´t love her. She is not my One. I have found my One long time ago, and I´m prepared to fight for her to the last breath. You have to believe me… amrâlimê,”_ Thorin spoke and Harnel could see and hear the passion, his love for her in his voice. Noticing that she was listening to him, Thorin slowly reached out and took her hand in his hoping that Harnel was willing to give him another chance to prove how much he loved her.

 _”But…I… your kin won´t accept me as their queen. You are better off without me around humiliating you by been a mere human, lesser than a dwarrow,”_ Harnel tried to argue but Thorin wasn`t going listen any of it.

 _”Stop it. Do you know why I choose you to be my queen?”_ Thorin asked cupping her face and looking into her eyes with softness showing in his gaze.

 _”Because I presumably your One?”_ Harnel asked raising her brow making Thorin chuckle lowly.

 _”Well…that too…but it takes more to be a queen than just been a dwarrow, or noble. You have a kind heart, strong will, you are not afraid to take on a challenge or making tough decisions and you listen to others before you act and you´re fiercely loyal to the people you love. I could not ask for more from my future queen and neither could my people,”_ Thorin spoke quietly caressing her cheek with his thumb.

 _”It has always been you givashel… it always has been you..”_ Thorin whispered while slowly leaning forward and tentatively pressed his lips to hers like he was testing the ice and when he felt her responding Thorin snaked his arm around her waist and lifted his other hand to the back of her head deepening the kiss making her moan quietly. How he had missed the touch of her lips and that little delightful moan only he could draw out of her. When he broke the kiss for a moment he could almost hear her heartbeat thundering in her chest making him smirk slightly.

 _”What about Foweda?”_ Harnel asked worry evident on her face.

 _”Let me worry about her. I´ll deal with her when we get back to Erebor,”_ Thorin said quietly pressing his forehead against her gazing into her eyes so fondly it made Harnel´s heart almost burst because of the happiness she felt at that moment. And nothing could not steal that away from her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Thorin and Harnel will have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this tale. Hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Warnings: mild sexual activities

Harnel was standing on a balcony of her chambers in Erebor admiring the scenery that opened up in front of her. She and Thorin had returned to Erebor a few weeks ago and everyone in the company was more than happy to see her again and when they noticed that the courting braid with Thorin´s beads was on her hair they were adamant that this called for a celebration.

Chuckling to herself to those memories she suddenly heard as someone entered to her chambers. No one would be so bold but Thorin so Harnel turned slowly around and stepped back inside to the living area and saw Thorin in his regal clothes as he had just finished his last meeting for today. Thorin lifted his gaze when he heard Harnel walking in and a fond smile formed to his face when he saw her standing in the doorway in her purple royal clothing, in his eyes she looked at that moment like a divine being. Thorin walked to stand in front of her and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her closer so he could kiss her. Harnel melted into his passionate, long kiss as she lifted her arms around his neck hoping this happiness she was feeling would never end.

Finally pulling away Thorin rested his forehead against hers as he gazed into her eyes like he was searching for something.

 _”What?”_ Harnel giggled as Thorin just kept staring at her silently.

 _”I just can´t believe that you´re finally here, after so long being alone I almost gave up hope to get you back,”_ Thorin said quietly lowering his gaze and she could hear the sadness in his tone.

 _”Well, I am here now, no need to remembering something that happened in the past. It is called the past for a reason,”_ Harnel told him caressing his bearded chin tilting her head slightly and gave him a small one-sided smirk. Thorin chuckled at that pulling her into a hug resting his chin on her shoulder closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of her body against his.

 _”Wise as always, my love,”_ he whispered and it was her turn to chuckle.

 _”And don´t you forget that,”_ she joked and nipped his ear suddenly taking Thorin utterly by surprise.

 _”Oi! You better be careful what you´re about to awaken if you keep that up,”_ Thorin said lowly, dark and dangerous tone in his deep voice tightening his hold on her causing Harnel to shiver lightly with anticipation.

 _”What if I don´t want to be careful? What if I want to…wake something?”_ she whispered with raspy voice of hers into his ear backing up when Thorin´s hold on her loosened up enough so she could slip away. Thorin kept looking at her under his brows knowing smirk growing on his face as he stepped slowly forward as Harnel kept stepping backward flirtatiously impish smile dancing on her face.

 _”At your own risk, amrâlimê, at your own risk…”_ Thorin said quietly following her into their bedchamber taking off his royal furs as his hungry and intense gaze was practically devouring every inch of her body. Harnel stopped when she felt the end of the bed behind her knees and before she could do anything Thorin captured her into his arms once again attacking her neck searching that sensitive spot that drove her wild. Harnel gasped eyes going wide for a second while Thorin guided her to lie on the bed his hand lifting the hem of her gown, his right knee nudging her legs apart just enough for his hand to fit between her thighs. Harnel´s hips bucked a low moan escaping from her lips when she felt Thorin fingers finding their way to her heated core.

 _”Someone is more than ready….”_ Thorin chuckled against her neck lifting his head enough so he could look her in the eyes that were blown almost black from arousal as he felt how wet she already was.

 _”You wanted to wake something…well… congratulations love, you have succeeded in that…”_ Thorin whispered almost growling and lowering his head gently started sucking her neck as he pressed his hips against her thigh making sure Harnel would feel how aroused he was, it was nearly painful for him as he could feel how tight his trousers had become.

When Harnel felt Thorin´s hardness against her thigh and his lips sucking the skin on her neck she couldn´t stop lustful groan emerging from her throat and closing her eyes she grabbed Thorin´s shoulders to ground herself somehow as she at the same time pushed her hips forward in order to get Thorin´s fingers deeper. Humming with satisfaction to her reaction, Thorin repeated the motion of his hips while his fingers worked their magic between her legs, pushing his middle and index finger deeper slightly bending them and by doing so driving her crazy. Harnel had forgotten how skillful Thorin really was in bed and knew she was facing a very sleepless and very passionate night.

 

***

 

A few days later Harnel was standing in front of a mirror as her servants were busy finishing her wedding dress and her hair. It was hers and Thorin´s wedding day and although she felt overly excited and happy, she was also terrified. Bilbo was sitting on her bed looking at her face and clearing his throat earned her attention through the mirror.

 _”It´s only natural to feel what you´re feeling right now. Think of it like this, as you´re a warrior by nature, that you´re going into a battle in order to win. Take it as a challenge,”_ Bilbo tried to calm her nerves but not really succeeding in it, nevertheless Harnel gave him thankful smile.

 _”Thank you, Bilbo, I appreciate it,”_ Harnel said looking at the hobbit who was invited to their wedding as a guest of honor. Knock on the door was the sign that everything was ready and all they needed now was the bride. Taking a deep breath she stood up while Bilbo went to open the door and saw Fili and Kili standing there ready to escort their soon-to-be-aunt to the throne room where everyone was waiting.

 

The ceremony was successful, as Gandalf who had agreed to enthrone Harnel and Thorin said his final words and sealed their marriage, everyone from the Iron Hills and Ered Luin including Dain was cheering and clapping their hands when Thorin kissed Harnel in front of everyone quite passionately making Kili almost groan and say something but his mother Dis slapped him on the back of his head to keep him quiet.

Thorin was smiling through the whole thing, from the moment he saw Harnel walking down the aisle her light ice blue wedding dress that left her shoulders bare, her dark long hair braided with delicate style and the crown he had made for her was the finishing touch that made Thorin feel so damn proud that she was going to be his until death do they part. From the corner of his eye, he saw Foweda and her family among the crowd and he couldn´t wait for the moment when they would move to the Gallery of Kings to celebrate and eat because he had an announcement to make that include Foweda to be the very center of it. But then Thorin snapped from his thoughts when he heard everyone shouting and turned with Harnel to face the crowd.

_”Long live the King and Queen of Erebor!!”_

_”I thank you all for being here today to celebrate this wedding and our new lovely queen, now if I may ask all of you to move to the Gallery of Kings where food and drinks are served,”_ Thorin´s deep baritone voice resounded through the throne room and dwarves merrily chatting with each other started to walk toward the Gallery of Kings where the celebration could properly start. Thorin turned his attention to his newly wedded wife smiling and lifted her hand to give it a loving kiss. Harnel returned his smile adoration evident in her gaze as she locked eyes with him for a moment before Gandalf cleared his throat looking at the two of them amusement in his eyes.

 _”I´m pretty sure everyone is waiting for you two,”_ he whispered earning Thorin to break his eye contact with Harnel to glance at Gandalf´s direction and chuckling motioned her to follow as he offered his arm to her.

 _”Shall we, my love?”_ Thorin says quietly and with a nod of her head, she linked her arm with Thorin´s making their way toward the Gallery of Kings chatting quietly.

 

***

 

It didn´t take long when the party was fully on as Bofur, Gloin, Nori, Dori, and Oin played music encouraging people to dance, and soon the gallery was full of dwarves dancing, singing and drinking. Fili and Kili were found dancing on the tables making Harnel laugh so hard she had trouble breathing while Dis was rolling her eyes at her son’s antics but joined in soon enough much to Thorin´s amusement. Dain came sit next to Thorin nodding his head toward Harnel winking at her before turned his attention to his cousin.

 _”So are you sure about this plan laddie?”_ Dain asked quietly so Harnel would not hear but she was focusing on Fili´s and Kili´s dancing performance with their mother so they really didn´t need to worry about her listening to their conversation.

 _”Aye, I´m more than sure. And you´re sure he will accept?”_ Thorin asked turning his blue eyes to his cousin´s face and seeing him nodding Thorin hummed stroking his trimmed beard shifting his gaze to the crowd and saw Foweda dancing with a someone quite annoyed look on her face.

 _”Alright then, let´s begin,”_ he said quietly and stood to earn everyone´s attention as the music and the singing came to a halt so they could hear what their king had to say.

 _”I´m happy to see everyone is enjoying the celebration. Now…I have an announcement to make. Although this was supposed to be mine and my wife´s day, I would like to call two people to stand in front of me,”_ Thorin´s voice was strong and deep making everyone excited to see what was going on. Even Harnel was curious what her husband was planning now.

 _”Beroum Icemantle from Ered Luin, come forward,”_ Thorin commanded and soon enough young looking dwarf with red hair, long braided beard with green eyes emerged from the crowd and came to stand in front of Thorin bowing his head respectfully. Thorin bowed his head slightly to return the greeting and then lifted his gaze and locked eyes with Foweda.

 _”Foweda, daughter of Snarnouc Bonedelver and Arfelin Wraithfoot, come forward,”_ Thorin said the tone of authority looking at her stone cold expression but inside he was chuckling. Foweda felt suddenly giddy and prancing over to Thorin she gave him exaggerative curtsey shooting irritated look on Harnel´s direction and that didn´t go unnoticed by Thorin.

 _”She is your queen now, I suggest you start showing her the respect she deserves,”_ Thorin growled pinning her to her roots with his fractious stare making Foweda lowering her gaze from Harnel to the granite floor.

 _”Yes, your majesty,”_ Foweda mumbled although she felt outraged that all her efforts were for nothing as Thorin still chose a mere human and not her to be his queen.

 _”It has come to my knowledge that you Beroum had been looking for a wife and after a long conversation with your parents and hers, I´m happy to announce your and Foweda´s courtship,”_ Thorin said smug expression on his face when he saw Foweda´s face fall when she heard that. Beroum was beaming and turned to look at Foweda who refused to accept any of it. Turning her angered gaze toward Harnel she practically yelled at her.

 _”You! This is your doing! I will not accept this courtship! Never!”_ she shouted face turning almost crimson because of the fury she felt toward Harnel at that moment. Beroum was stunned turning to look at his parents who were also little baffled by Foweda´s behavior. Harnel lifted her chin holding her head high refusing to be kicked to the ground by her again.

 _”ENOUGH!”_   Thorin´s furious voice boomed across the hall staring at Foweda fuming, his eyes blazing and trying his very best to keep himself somewhat in control.

 _”Maybe I didn´t make myself clear enough, you don´t have a choice in the matter. Lying about your relationship with the king is felony that doesn´t usually go without serious punishment in this kingdom, so call yourself lucky I´m even willing to offer this to you instead of throwing you into the dungeons,”_ Thorin spoke loud enough so everyone could hear him keeping his steady raged gaze on her eyes making sure she understood that denial wasn´t an option. Foweda´s lower lip was starting to tremble when she realized there was no escaping from this situation. Thorin motioned Beroum to take his fiance and join with his family and the young dwarf did what was asked of him. Bowing his head to the king and queen he gripped Foweda´s arm and guided her away from the royal couple somewhere quieter where their families could talk.

When the episode was over, everyone went back to partying, dancing and singing merrily while Thorin sat back to his seat chuckling to Dain´s overly cheerful clapping and turned his gaze toward Harnel who was smiling and slightly shaking her head her eyes twinkling that familiar twinkle Thorin had missed so much. Nevertheless, she was glad Thorin had finally dealt with Foweda. Lacing their fingers together Thorin gave her a kiss on the back of her hand whispering to her ear something that made her smile that goofy smile of hers and she couldn´t wait their lives to start to settle down as rulers of Erebor.

_”Long live the Queen of Erebor.”_


End file.
